I have long felt that much of what was said about Michael Jackson was not true. I had also always felt that much of the public as well as the media, did not seem to really "get" who he was and what he stood for. They tried to make him into something he wasn't.
I wish to this day that I had been able to do this project while Michael was still with us here on earth. I believe there are reasons why things happen and that maybe my timing in this is just perfect now, despite how much I hunger for and wish that I had been able to do this for him earlier while he was still alive to see it and the support.
I see a lot of myself in Michael. I also am a sensitive person. I love to create. I want to do things that make a difference. I felt I could relate on that level. I could understand some of how he felt. I felt that I could see beyond the speculation and rumors and had a truer feeling that there was a much deeper person there that the media was not reporting on.
That was very much confirmed in my research. But I found out so much more and have an even deeper appreciation for this man than even I imagined I would. The more I found out, the more I saw how incredibly beautiful this man's soul was and how much he brought to the world.
When I work on any writing project, part of my creative process is to really immerse myself in my subject. I read and research everything legitimate that I can on them, I find out as much as I can. My goal is always to let the public get a glimpse into the real person, the human side of celebrity. Usually this is in preparation for an interview that I will do with someone in person or by phone.
In this case, it was somewhat more difficult and even more involved. Michael, sadly, is no longer physically here with us, and so my job became "knowing" him as much as possible without being able to actually speak with him.
I approached this project much the same way I would any project or interview. I researched, I got to know as much about my subject as possible, I compiled "questions" that needed answers. I sought truth and I sought to find out who the human being was beyond the celebrity.
I read both "Moonwalk" and "Dancing the Dream", both Michael's works, because I feel that in order to really get to know someone, you need to hear from them. You need to get a feel for who they are inside, and as a writer, I know that sometimes when we write, we put our very souls into words. I felt that very much present when I read Michael's works.
I completely immersed myself in this process and it was very powerful. I have never experienced the wide range of emotions, exhaustion and at the same time, joy, that I did as I worked on this project.
As I worked on this project, I many times experienced something I can only describe as God's power, direction and leading, working through me. As I have mentioned before, I very much took Michael's advice and left room for "God to walk into the room." I prayed often about this project, about wanting to do the right thing. I too, like Michael had, felt for a moment in time that I was an instrument being used and I tried to allow God to work through me. I have felt that I was doing something that truly mattered and could make a real difference.
There was at times a feeling so powerful and overwhelming that I felt moved by emotion and a sense of something at work that was so much bigger than myself. As if I was being carried along for the ride, and yet, instrumental in making the final product come to fruition. Along with that came a sense of peace and reassurance that despite objections and many questions from others, that I was doing the right thing. I have never been so sure of anything in my heart before, nor so dedicated to something, much less a project of this magnitude. I knew, deep in my heart and soul, that this was something bigger than myself and that indeed, there is a reason I am doing this.
Michael felt the divine while dancing and making music. I feel the divine when I write and create. I have felt such a sense of gratitude and honor as I feel that for whatever reason, I was meant to do this. It's a purpose I feel that God has given me, which makes me feel so humbled and honored, because Michael meant so much to me. It is an honor as Michael was such an inspiration to me on so many levels.
In my research, I gained as much knowledge as I could about Michael, about what has been said about him and what is really true, about the allegations, accusations and the trial. I spoke with those "in the know". People who had first-hand accounts of what went on. People who were in the courtroom. People who had done the research, seen the evidence and the court transcripts. I knew that I needed to arm myself with knowledge and truth as much as possible. I spoke with people who knew Michael.
I read, listened to and watched everything I could on Michael. I read some of one of the popular Michael Jackson biographies that is out there, but in my own opinion, found some of it to come across as sensationalized journalism and some of what was said seemed to lack credibility. I began to realize that if I was going to find out the truth about Michael, then I had to stop reading what biographers and the media said about him and listen to Michael and what Michael said about himself, as well as speak with those who really knew him personally and closely.
In the most recent Ebony/Jet print interview that Michael did, he spoke about how he and Quincy Jones would be working on a track and Quincy told him to "let it talk to you," meaning, the music. Michael took that advice and realized that as a writer, you had to just stop and make room for God to walk into the room. I heeded that advice and let Michael "talk" to me. Through his words, through the interviews I read and watched, through the photos, through the videos. I let Michael tell me who he was.
I knew that in order for this project to be effective and to "speak" for Michael as much as possible, that I needed to feel what he felt, go through mentally as much of what I felt he was going through. There were times it was brutal to feel all of the emotions that I felt. It was easy for me in some ways to be able to empathize because I feel that I share some of Michael's personality traits. Shyness, being a sensitive, creative person. So to put myself in his shoes was in some ways, not all that difficult for me to do. On the other hand, I very much felt as if Michael's life was a difficult life at best. Surrounded by confusion, lies and rumors being spread about him, mob scenes and little privacy. But through it all, he maintained his faith in God and he remained kind and humble and never stopped giving or loving.
I worked on the project near 24 hours a day at times and I went through such a wide range of emotions. At times I felt sheer joy listening to his music and watching him laugh in the interviews or on video. I watched him dance and saw how his spirit soared as he moved and used his body as an instrument of artistic expression.
Other times I felt overwhelming sadness, grief, betrayal and deep hurt. I felt strongly for all of the pain he had endured. There were times the emotions were so overwhelming that I spent a lot of time crying and sometimes just broke down sobbing while I sat at my computer. I knew he must have at times felt deep pain. I sobbed for the pain he had to go through, I cried for the experiences I was having while working on this and I was saddened by how corrupt human nature can be at times.
As the project started to wrap up, I felt a sense of joy and completion and a sense of peace. I feel that I have tried to do the best job I could in putting out there who Michael really was and allowing people to really see that. At least that is my strongest hope and desire in this project.
Though I started this project out feeling a deep sense that the Michael the media portrayed did not add up to what I sensed beneath the surface, and I questioned at times, even saying to others and myself that only God and Michael know the truth of all that has gone on in his life, I have come to be able to say that I believe 1000% in Michael's innocence and have come to truly appreciate all of the beauty in his soul and character. I only wish more people could know that beauty, and that is my hope with the creation of this website. My only regret, as I have mentioned before, is that I was not able to do this while Michael was still living among us.
I hope that fans will even better appreciate who Michael was and I hope that critics will take the time to get to know him and see the beauty in him as well.
It is my belief that if you don't have knowledge of what you're talking about, then you shouldn't say anything. So many people "flap their jaws" talking nonsense simply because they hear something and then tell everybody else about it. Too much speculation has surrounded Michael for years simply because there were so many who spread rumors and lies and we, as a public, spoke them as if they were gospel, without knowing what we were talking about or taking the time to really find out the truth. I hope that that stops here, today.
Can you imagine what kind of pain Michael must have felt hearing these untruths about himself? I imagine some of that must have cut very deep.
I hope all who spend time on this website will be blessed by getting to know Michael better and who he really was as a person and that they will gain a true appreciation for this man who was placed on this earth to help make it a better place and who did an amazing job of that. We can all make a difference. We just need to tap into what God gave us to do here on this earth as Michael did.